it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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