I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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