Can i not drive my cunt home
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize