Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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