I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
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your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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