I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
