Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
