just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
