i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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