i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You made out with two different species that night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
