I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
