people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
