kristin has been a bad kristin
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
