It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
