but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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