dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
