Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
