My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
