You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
