I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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