No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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