that's an acceptable place to lick
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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