I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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