It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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This couple is walking their pig around campus
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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