All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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