just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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