you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
