Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
