Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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