Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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