I just cut my nipple shaving
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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