I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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