She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
