There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
