..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
