dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
