you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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