he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
