I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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