My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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