i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
