wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
