just come out here and I will go home with you...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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