There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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