You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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