I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
