just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
