I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
