Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
