I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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