It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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