My boss' voice literally gives me gas
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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