Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
