There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
