Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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