M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
