he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
