I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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