the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
