He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
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Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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