at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
